Back Again

This shouldn’t be too long but then again it is me and we know how I like to ramble on! Lol, I thought I would give you guys some sort of update on here. The last 4 or 5 days have been probably the worst of my life if I’m honest. I don’t remember too much about them, I’ve been pretty spaced out most of the time, I don’t really even remember my aunty visiting on Sunday morning, sorry Karen!

I’ve been asleep for most of the days, too weak to move really from the bed, I haven’t wanted to talk to anyone, my mouth has been so dry I haven’t eaten anything properly, I had/have a bad pain when I swallow which is still bothering me but I have been told will ease. I also had really bad diorrea but that, touch wood, seems to have slowed down now with some new medicine but for a while it was bad! Unless you have ever had this high dose chemo stuff you can’t begin to imagine rough it makes you feel, bad man-flu – not a patch, it’s awful, I can’t put into words how ill its made me. How it still is making me cos I’m by no means better as I write this. Yes I am now capable of speech and staying alert for longer periods of time but I am still hooked up to fluids 24/7, can’t swallow tablets really and am very very weak but I am showing small signs of improvement.

My hair is coming out again, like it had grown back but I’ll be bald again by tomorrow or Friday I should think. Not that its an issue anymore anyway! I’m sorry for the blunt way I put across about texts the other day, its just that I was getting about 5 or 6 a day saying ‘How r u feeling today’ and I didn’t have the strength to reply and the point of these blogs and facebook groups is for you to find that out! And also we don’t know if the chemo is working yet, without scans its impossible to tell, yes there is more air moving in my lungs which we take as a positive sign but we don’t know anything and we won’t until I have a scan in a few weeks. Even then, it will probably have caused some kind of response but it’s a case of waiting, if my symptoms come back in 4 weeks, it’s worked for 4 weeks, if they come back in 3 months it’s worked for 3 months….it really is a waiting game with no clear answers.

Other than that I’ve felt very low emotionally and it really has made me wonder if I would undergo a bone marrow transplant for the small chance of cure it could offer me, its a lot to put my body through. I mean you think I’ve put myself through this in the realistic frame of mind I’ll get 2-3 weeks, potentially a bit more of feeling ok. Not a lot really is it?

A bone marrow transplant, yeah offers me a chance of a cure but that chance is still only 25-30% which isn’t a lot so I’d be putting myself at a very big risk for a 20-30% chance of cure. I know you probably think it’s selfish but part of me would just want them to control it at that stage and give me as long as possible with the best quality of life. I don’t wanna spend the rest of my life in and out of hospital feeling like shit! But this is a long way off and I’d be asking lots of questions before I took a final decision. Besides chances of us getting this far is minimal anyway! The risk of GvHD (See glossary if you don’t know about it) is also a risk factor, having donor bone marrow is a risk in itself, the risk to your organs, its not exactly a straight forward treatment!!!

My Willows foundation day is taking shape nicely now and soon I will reveal all the details and dates. It’s basically going to be a big party but during the day not the night, for all my friends and family. Me and my family will have a sit down meal before all my friends arrive in the afternoon for a casino theme afternoon with poker and casino tables and then we’ll with karaoke in the early evening. There will be food in the afternoon as well. It will be held in Burton at Burton Albion’s ground as they have a big facility there that we can use. The only thing you would need to pay for would be travel costs of getting to Burton but its cheap from Brum (less than a £5 return) and for those of you travelling from that bit further then there may be a way the foundation are able to fund some of your expenses. It really would be appreciated if you could come if you can as it the one day I really want to enjoy everyone being together. It’s not about coming and getting drunk though I’m sure there will be some alcohol available, that’s not what it’s about. Obviously I can only invite a certain number of people but I will be letting them know in the next week or so who they are. There is a fair few of you don’t worry but obviously I’m limited in terms of space and capacity plus I have family and friends from both Burton and Uni!!!

Also my aunty is doing the trek of the Great Wall of China and all the money is going to The Lymphoma Association and Nottingham Hospital.

If you wish to donate the websites are as follows:

www.justgiving.com/MelsFight is for the Lymphoma Association.

www.justgiving.com/MelsFight2 is for the hospital.

The Lymphoma Association has helped me loads in terms of putting me in contact with fellow sufferers and has provided so much information and obviously the hospital one is where I am being treated.

Also my cousin Sarah is doing Race for life in June and so if you want to sponsor her please feel free, this is for cancer research uk but she hasn’t given me a link yet to a fundraising page but when she does I’ll put it up.

I think that’s about it for now really, it was nice to see dad tonight briefly and hopefully in the next day or so he’ll be back properly. I’m still not up for any other visitors but will let you know when I am.

Thanks guys
Mel xx