Well I didn’t write yesterday because I was too exhausted. After I wrote on Thursday night I went onto the lifesite chatroom and was chatting away on there when my heart rate suddenly went up. I could feel my heart racing, like it was jumping out my chest. We rang Notttingham at first and they said they would call back with advice but I got worse and so we ended up calling 999. I felt hot and dizzy and clammy as well. I was terrified.
Anyway the ambulance came and checked my heart rate which peaked at 280, a normal person’s is between 80 – 100! Mine is usually about 120. Anyway they wanted to take me in straight away and so we did, blue lights and everything. Scary.
Once at hospital we were put in a cubicle and they did an ECG and took bloods from me. Though they did use my line which was good.
Then mum and dad were allowed through. I was kept hooked up to the heart monitor. The first thing they did was get me to blow through a syringe but that didn’t work and apparently never does so why they try it I don’t know. I was pretty worked up by this point and upset and scared about what was happening. Then they said they would have to give me a drug to stop my heart momentarily and then restart it again, it was perfectly safe but I would need a cannula in my arm as they didn’t want to use my line cos of infection.
When they told me this my heart rate shot up even more. I hate cannulas, I’m terrified of them, they are just needles into your arm which then they can inject stuff into but I’ve had bad experiences with them and not having them very often kinda makes it worse now. Anyway they put it in, into the my vein in arm where they take blood from so not the most comfortable of places but the doc was good and it worked first time. Thank goodness cos I was so worked up about it, if it had gone wrong they would have needed to sedate me I think!
I was given the drug in the resus room as there are better monitors in there and you can momentarily black out from it. When it went in I got a bad pain in my chest and went all hot and dizzy which they did warn me about. The first dose only worked momentarily so they gave me a higher one which kept it down to about 130ish. They decided to keep me in overnight but there was no beds so I had to stay in a and e in a cubicle but they did find me a proper bed rather than a trolley thing. I didn’t sleep much though and id been up from 7am the previous morning. Mum and dad left at 3am so it was a long night. I hate all the waiting around they make you do in there.
At 5am I woke up with a temperature and they wanted me to have a chest x-ray so I was wheeled off to have that about 5.15am. I finally got a coupla of broken hours sleep before 8.30am when mum and dad came back with the Burton hematology team who know me and my condition unlike the a and e doctors.
They said I cud go home. They don’t know what caused it, maybe a reaction to the blood or previous chemos...but I’m in Nottingham on Tuesday and they are aware of the situation, they will probably do a scan of my heart to check everything is ok.
I’m now just mentally and physically exhausted. I’ve slept all day yesterday and all last night and the best part of this morning. I’m so tired. Its things like this that give you a reality check, I’ve been so well for 2 weeks you’d almost forget I was ill but then something like this happens and it brings it all home. It makes me want to give up at time, it really does, sat in a and e I just thought, I can’t take any more of this, what else will go wrong, how am I supposed to deal with everything that keeps happening?! I know I will carry on and I won’t give up but it really does make you wonder at times. I feel quite low at the moment cos of everything that’s happened in the last 2 days or so but I guess I’ll pick up again soon. I bloody hope so anyway. I’m exhausted which isn’t helping matters.
I’m also terrified it’s going to happen again and I can’t help that though I’m trying to relax and not let it worry me. I’ll feel better on Tuesday when I’ve spoken to my own doctors. That’s the problem with A&E, they can treat the immediate problem which is great but they don’t understand the background or anything about my condition! And it’s so frustrating that they don’t know me! I just don’t have any trust in them at all really. I had to talk the doctor through how to take blood from my line and how to clamp it and everything! Reassuring?! Not. I just don’t have the trust in them that I do in the hematology team. When Dr. Ahmed came on Friday morning I had complete faith in what he was telling me! Cos he knows me and he understands what’s really wrong with me. All the staff in A&E are nice don’t get me wrong I just don’t trust them totally!
Anyway I’m signing off here for tonight, I’m still soooo tired. I saw my nan’s yesterday but ended up going to bed while they were here, I managed to stay awake for my cousins today and them being here took my mind off everything which was good but I’m tired again now….so night night xxx
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